I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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