Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
