The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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