I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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