The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
