Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
