Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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