if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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