I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
