We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
