no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
