I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
