You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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