The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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