farters have to be the big spoon...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
