Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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