my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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