During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
