Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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