My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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