I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
