that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
