You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
