Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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