Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
