Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
