I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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