youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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