Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
