So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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