Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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