what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
