I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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