Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
