i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
