After last night, I could never be a politician.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
