i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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