I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
