I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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