You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
