Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
