I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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