btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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