Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
