fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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