I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
