Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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