Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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