My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
