so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
