there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
