Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
