You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
