Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
