I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
