You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
