i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
