based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
