Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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