What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
