I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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