Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
