Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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