my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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