There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
