I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
