does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
