I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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