i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Still dying that you shit outside
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
