I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
