Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
