I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
