Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
