Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
