He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
