I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone came in the potted fern
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
