Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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