ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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