I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
