Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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