my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
