he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
