what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
