i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
