Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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