They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
