I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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